A few of my truth's

I often hear *How great you get to stay home with your kids.* or *It's nice you are there when your son needs him.* Don't get me wrong, these are really great things.

I'm grateful every day that I am home, and that I can be available when the school calls. I'm available when it's just not in my son's best interest to be at school, or he needs to come home because it's just not a good day for him.

The truth, I'm home because I have to be. Dealing with Autism is a full time job, more so in the stages we are at. We've been dealing with this, with very little support in terms of tools and resources for him. Another truth is we are broke. I'm not just talking a little in the bank for a rainy day, but gone through our savings, struggling to put a roof over our heads at the end of the month broke.

Between setting up appointments, fielding phone calls from the school, meetings and full blown melt downs there really isn't a employer out there who would tolerate this from a employee. Now, not only am I doing this with one child, but two. My husband works, alot. On weekends too. This makes it difficult to pick up a part time job.

Yes I do home daycare, yes I run a small business on the side but the reality is that this barely covers our bills. Before we had resources available it was paid out of our own pockets. Couple hundred here and there for social skills group. Luckily the school covered transportation because the hours were when my husband was at work and I still had daycare kids. It can cost thousands and thousands of dollars to get psych testing done, to get resources. There is very little financial support when it comes to the testing process.
The days we have meetings and appointments, I often have to make other arrangements with my daycare families. The days my son is just not having a good one results in loss of productivity for me. The bottom line, loss of income.

Getting to this point costs money. Not only does it wear you mentally and physcially on a good day, but it can also put a financial strain on your household.

I've spoken with a few people close to me about our situation and the response often is - get a job. Sure, I'll do that. It's just that easy.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change this journey for a moment. I love my kids, just as they are and for who they are. But again, I find there is still so much educating to be done with the general public. People who have never tried on one of our shoes have no clue what our path looks like.

It's rich, rewarding, beautiful and introduces us to the world through a whole new pair of eyes. It is also frustrating, draining and big drain on financial resources.

So, if my confession does nothing but open the eyes of just open the eyes of one person the I view it as mission accomplished.

Still no answers

So today was the day. The day we met with the psycologist, my son's teacher, and the principal of the new school he is to attend in September. Today was the day was sat and went through finding and recommendations.

The first hour or so was basically the results of testing she did. Checking for memory, fine motor etc etc. Im thrilled to say that although there are some area's that required improvement, he ranked average in comparing him to children within his peer group. There were many results as well which ranked him off the charts. The overall summary was that we had a very bright boy. Now I do have to admit that through parts of it I was distracted as I had to bring our 2 year old daughter with us.
I was thrilled to know that being in the french immersion program isn't hindering him and in fact because the testing in giving in English we have discovered that not onnly does he continue to thrive in FI, but is doing wonderfully in English as well.

Socially he is making huge strides as well. Where he used to play by himself at recess or follow the other kids around he is now joining in, participating and engaging in the play with other children. It was also noted that since taking his social skills class (*camp*) that he has come full circle in gym class. Participating more and not prone to often becoming upset if he isn't winning.

Perfectionism and anxiety are still huge for him. I am amazed however that he is very self aware. He was able to tell the psychologist that he knows and recognizes when he is starting to feel overwhelmed and can relate to what intensity it is at based on both physical and emotional feelings he is experiencing at that time.

Attention is also something requiring work. He fidgits, has a hard time sitting still, paying attention to conversations etc etc. Although there are under tones to ADD and/or ADHD there is a fair bit of confidence that this is not what we are working with.

How based on the attention concerns, level of intellegence and some other sign and signals we are now moving onto the next level. We will shortly be signing forms take it the next level.

We will have to wait until September but testing will proceed to see if he is sitting on the autism spectrum. From what Im gathering there will be extensive interviewing with parents. Time spent with the child and from there a 48 hour period with their feedback and thoughts.

Today has been an emotionally charged day. I laughed, I cried and I struggle to continue to know what the best thing is to do. I'm grateful for the amazing support staff we have as parents and my son is more then blessed to have in  his corner.

Wherever you go from here I will keep reminding myself it does not define who my son is, but provide the ground work in obtaining the tools he will need while growing into who he will become.

I love you buddy - more then I could ever put into words. You will always be you, my sweet little boy. <3