I often hear *How great you get to stay home with your kids.* or *It's nice you are there when your son needs him.* Don't get me wrong, these are really great things.
I'm grateful every day that I am home, and that I can be available when the school calls. I'm available when it's just not in my son's best interest to be at school, or he needs to come home because it's just not a good day for him.
The truth, I'm home because I have to be. Dealing with Autism is a full time job, more so in the stages we are at. We've been dealing with this, with very little support in terms of tools and resources for him. Another truth is we are broke. I'm not just talking a little in the bank for a rainy day, but gone through our savings, struggling to put a roof over our heads at the end of the month broke.
Between setting up appointments, fielding phone calls from the school, meetings and full blown melt downs there really isn't a employer out there who would tolerate this from a employee. Now, not only am I doing this with one child, but two. My husband works, alot. On weekends too. This makes it difficult to pick up a part time job.
Yes I do home daycare, yes I run a small business on the side but the reality is that this barely covers our bills. Before we had resources available it was paid out of our own pockets. Couple hundred here and there for social skills group. Luckily the school covered transportation because the hours were when my husband was at work and I still had daycare kids. It can cost thousands and thousands of dollars to get psych testing done, to get resources. There is very little financial support when it comes to the testing process.
The days we have meetings and appointments, I often have to make other arrangements with my daycare families. The days my son is just not having a good one results in loss of productivity for me. The bottom line, loss of income.
Getting to this point costs money. Not only does it wear you mentally and physcially on a good day, but it can also put a financial strain on your household.
I've spoken with a few people close to me about our situation and the response often is - get a job. Sure, I'll do that. It's just that easy.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change this journey for a moment. I love my kids, just as they are and for who they are. But again, I find there is still so much educating to be done with the general public. People who have never tried on one of our shoes have no clue what our path looks like.
It's rich, rewarding, beautiful and introduces us to the world through a whole new pair of eyes. It is also frustrating, draining and big drain on financial resources.
So, if my confession does nothing but open the eyes of just open the eyes of one person the I view it as mission accomplished.
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